How pets can help children to cope with grief and loss
Children and young people who are coping with grief following the death of a loved one can be faced with a complex range of emotions. Bereavement can affect us all in different ways. It’s not unusual to feel lonely, isolated, fatigued or even depressed. We might feel that no-one understands what we are feeling or experiencing. We may feel like we will never be happy again.
It's natural to feel all these things and more, but what is important is to find ways of coping with grief. For children and young people who are coping with the death of a parent, or family member, these feelings can be even more complex.
It is vital to find ways of supporting younger members of the family through such a difficult time, and to provide them with an outlet for their emotions.
Pets can be a great way to help improve the emotional health and wellbeing of a grieving child. Young people who might become withdrawn or start to struggle later could benefit from the healing power of animals.
Do pets help us to cope with grief?
We are a nation of pet-owners and often idolise our dogs, cats, rabbits, gerbils and other furry friends. It doesn't take long for them to become a member of the family, our best friends. From giving them names and taking care of their every need, to spending hours each day with them.
We form an indescribable bond with these creatures and that connection is even stronger for children. This is one of the reasons why pets are so helpful when we experience bereavement.
Here at Scotty’s Little Soldiers, we provide support for bereaved Forces children and young people from the moment they join us, right up to age 25. These military children might have experienced the death of a parent who was killed in action, but they may have died as a result of illness, suicide or an accident.
Many of these deaths are unexpected and can leave the family in shock as they try to make sense of what has happened. At a time when the world may no longer make sense to a child, a pet can provide a lot of comfort to help them cope with grief.
Pets make us feel less isolated and alone
Coping with death is challenging no matter how old we are, and it can bring complex emotions to the surface. When a parent dies, it can be a very isolating experience for children and young people. For military children, they may physically be forced to move away to a new home and school, away from the community they have grown up in.
It can be a lonely time when we are experiencing bereavement and it's natural to turn to a pet for comfort. Pets offer unconditional and uncomplicated love when we need it the most.
When it's hard to talk – we can tell a pet anything
Often it can be difficult to find the words to express our emotions when coping with grief. At a time when we may struggle to share how we are feeling, it can help to talk to a pet. Not only can they not tell anyone else what you have said, but they offer a safe space to share.
This is useful for children and young people who are finding it hard to communicate how they are feeling and verbalise what may be troubling them. Talking to a pet can provide an outlet for these emotions and allow them to process their grief.
Animals release 'feel-good' hormones and improve our mood
Who doesn’t enjoy a walk in the woods with the dog or playing chase the ‘mouse on a string’ with the cat? Looking into a puppy’s eyes can produce ‘feel good’ hormones, such as oxytocin, that improves our mood.
When we suffer bereavement, we can be left feeling fatigued and sad, but interacting with animals can give us a lift and help us socially, physically and emotionally.
Organisations such as Pets as Therapy recognise the power of animal therapy. They use their four-legged volunteers to bring smiles to those people who need it most in schools, hospitals and care homes.
Pets are intuitive to our mood and emotional wellbeing
Research tells us that pets are intuitive to our moods and they can sense when we are feeling sad or low. When you're having a bad day and the cat comes to cuddle up with you on the sofa, it's like they have a sixth sense and just want to make us feel better.
If we're feeling lonely or isolated, their perceptiveness of our emotional wellbeing can be a great reminder that someone cares. That emotional support and physical contact instantly makes us feel less alone.
Stroking a pet makes us feel calm and relaxed
Humans are social beings, and we thrive on connection, physical touch is a big part of that. Whether you are an adult coping with grief, or a child who was recently bereaved – physical touch can remind us we are not alone.
Animals can help us to regulate and cope with our emotions at a time when they might be heightened. If we are feeling sad or low, taking the time to pause and stroke a pet can leave us feeling calm and relaxed.
We know a pet can't bring back your loved one, but animals are great companions and can bring a lot of happiness. Don't forget that pets can be a lot of work too, so, if you haven't already got a pet, don't rush out and get one unless it's right for you.
You could always visit a petting farm, or maybe you have a friend or neighbour who has a pet you can visit. Don't just take our word for it - go and cuddle a pet and see how it makes you feel.