Hero of the Month: Sgt Gary Durban (1979 – 2017)
Sgt Gary Durban was a joyful, light-hearted and resilient father, husband and soldier in the Royal Logistics Corps.
Gary joined the Army at 19-years-old, and over the course of his career completed several tours including Kosovo, Iraq, Cyprus, and multiple tours of Afghanistan.
On the 26th of January 2017, Gary died after a battle with motor neurone disease. He was 37 years old. His children, Charlotte and Sam, were just 11 and 8.
Sgt Gary Durban
“Gaz was a big kid and absolutely the joker of the house” says Amanda, Gary’s wife. “He was the life and soul of every party and always ended up being the centre of attention, but he was a proper family guy as well. Everything he did, he did for Charlotte and Sam. When he was home, it was all about them and making sure they have fun. He was the loveliest nutter in the world – there’s no other way to describe him.”
Gary was known for always going the extra mile and loved coming up with fun, surprising ways to make his children smile.
“Whenever Charlotte and Sam had a birthday party, he would always dress up. It was never a case of ‘maybe we should hire somebody.’ He would go on Amazon and buy all the bits himself. For one of Charlotte’s parties, I said it could be fun to book someone to make balloon animals for all the kids, but instead Gaz learned how to make balloon animals himself. He was such a big head about it afterwards! He really was the best daddy.”
Gary in face paint at a birthday party
When he wasn’t at work or spending time with his family, Gary loved being active and playing sport. His main hobby was mountain biking, and he enjoyed taking part in competitions whenever he could.
“He loved running, he loved going to the gym and he especially loved mountain biking. He would take part in the Mountain Bike Championships and anything the Army put on as well. He came first in a couple of competitions and we still have his medals. I think it was his release – a chance to get outside and have some time to himself while speeding down a hill!”
Gary was a self-confessed adrenaline junkie – something he’s passed on to both his children.
“He liked to get the kids involved whenever he could. Charlotte went out mountain biking with him sometimes. When she was seven, he even taught her how to jump down steps on a bike! She always came back totally buzzing. Sam is younger so doesn’t remember as much, but he still has Gaz’s sense of adventure.”
Gary mountain biking
At work, Gary was known for the same energy and positivity he brought to his family.
“He was the same Gaz at work as he was at home. All the lads remember him being such a morale booster. He also knew when he had to just crack on and be serious, but not many people saw that side of him. He always preferred being the fun, light-hearted version of himself.”
Gary thrived on the sense of camaraderie that he found in the Royal Engineers and was always eager to leap into a new challenge.
“He loved what he did through and through. He got such a buzz when they were going on exercise and would have everything packed and ready to go a week beforehand. The only thing he didn’t love was when the day arrived and he would have to leave us.”
Gary serving with the Royal Engineers
Later in life, Gary was diagnosed with motor neurone disease, which impacted his speech and physical ability. He eventually started using an electric wheelchair and technology that allowed him to speak by tracking his eye movements on a screen.
“He never stopped being Gaz, even when he was ill. He would take the kids to the field and play football with them by turning the chair as a fast as it would go and hitting the ball, which they then kicked back near his feet. Whenever we went on walks the kids liked to put on roller-skates and hold onto the back of his chair, so he could pull them along. Even though he was poorly, we always had fun and he never lost his sense of humour. One day he said he wanted to read to the kids before bed – he could pick different voices on the machine he used to speak – and chose to do it in the Queen’s voice, so we had the Queen reading them a bedtime story. The kids can look back on that time and have some funny memories of their dad which we still giggle about, which is really nice.”
Gary with his two children, Charlotte and Sam
Gary may no longer be with them, but Amanda and the children have a number of places they go every year to remember him and honour his life.
“We live quite close to Marwell Zoo in Southampton, so we went there one year and saw a rhino walking away from us. The kids looked up at their dad and he smiled and said, “that's mum’s butt.” Of course, they couldn’t stop laughing and every time they saw another animal’s bum it set them off again. He was poorly at that point, but he was still walking, and even though it happened during his illness it’s such a happy memory we have of him. We go to Marwell Zoo every year on the anniversary of his death because it always makes us of think of him. We all call it Daddy’s butt day!”
On his birthday, Amanda, Charlotte and Sam normally go to a theme park – something Gary loved doing as a family.
“He always just wanted to go out and have fun, even when he was ill, so that’s what we do to remember him. The kids knew quite early into his disease that Daddy was going to die, but they never saw him unhappy and he really made the most of every moment they had together.”
Gary laughing
Charlotte and Sam joined Scotty’s Little Soldiers in 2017 and have been supported by the charity ever since, benefitting from Scotty Breaks, grants, Christmas parties and access to one-to-one bereavement support. Through these events, they have been able to meet lots of bereaved military children who can relate to what they’ve been through.
“There’s one Scotty family in particular that we’re really close to. Sam is friends with the son and they play on the PlayStation together every night, and I speak to the mum every day. We give each other little pep talks in the morning before the school run, helping each other get through things. Our families have been on holiday together and we meet up whenever we can. We just get each other, and because of that we have this bond. It's that Army community feeling – like we’re in amongst it again. Scotty’s is a charity that you don’t want to be part of, because of what it means, but at the same time it’s so special to me and kids. They can’t imagine not having Scotty’s in their life.”
Gary and his family
