Hero of the Month: Rfn Lance Shingler (1985 – 2020)
Rifleman Lance Shingler was a fun-loving father, caring husband and skilled soldier in the Rifles.
Lance served in the military for five years, during which time he completed operational tours of Northern Ireland and Iraq.
On the 13th of February 2020, Lance died by suicide, aged 34 years old. His children, Riley and Elliey, were just 8 and 6.
Rfn Lance Shingler
“You always knew when Lance was in the room,” says his wife, Hayley. “He wasn’t a loud guy, but he had a big personality and loved causing mischief. If I ever had to tell the kids off, you can bet Lance had something to do with it. They completely adored him and were always playing games and having fun together. He was a massive family man and always made sure he got to spend the weekends with them, and during the week he’d be the one to sit them down and help them with their homework and any little creative bits. He struggled with his mental health, but despite that he was always a beacon of joy who gave the kids a really happy childhood. He never really cared what people thought of him; he just wanted to make sure his family were looked after and would always go the extra mile to help people out.
“When I think of Lance, I always think of his dancing. He had no rhythm, but that didn’t matter. Whatever he was doing, he'd always be dancing with a big grin on his face. He’d also sing along to absolutely every song in the car and somehow always know the lyrics.”
Lance with his two children, Elliey and Riley
In the military, Lance had a reputation as a skilled driver, and after leaving the Rifles in 2007, he took up a role driving heavy goods vehicles.
“While he was serving in Iraq, he did a lot of the driving as his colleagues knew he was a safe pair of hands. I have it in writing that he actually led the way through a cluster of IEDs, saved 127 of his comrades lives. They knew if he was driving, he’d be able to get them out of anywhere.
“It was exactly the same in civilian street. He would never need a map. He always just knew the best and quickest way to get anywhere he needed to go. Being an HGV driver suited him well, and he also got to see quite a lot of the UK. He especially loved the coast, and when he wasn’t working one of his favourite things to do was bundle the kids in the car and drive us all to the beach.”
Lance and the kids in his HGV
He may no longer be with them, but Hayley sees similarities between the children and Lance all the time.
“Both the kids have taken on so many of Lance’s characteristics that it can feel like a part of him is still here. They’ll sit and watch Karate Kid over and over again, which was one of his favourite films, and they both love listening to Queen, just like he did. Our boy, Riley, is Lance’s double, right down to his mannerisms and the way he looks at you. He’s like a little mini version of him. Elliey, our girl, has a lot of similarities, too. She’s very strong minded and has no problem saying what she thinks. She’s also a bit of an adrenaline junkie, just like her dad. Growing up, if her dad did something, she wanted to do it too, and it’s really shaped her.”
Lance stopping for a photo on the tube
The kids also have lots of ways they like to remember their dad, both big and small.
“Even though they were very young when he passed away – only six and eight – he's still talked about every single day. There's photos of him in their bedrooms and they ask questions about him constantly. They keep his favourite DVDs and bits of clothing and in their Scotty’s keepsake boxes. Lance always used to say the Arboretum was his special place, so we go there quite a few times a year, on special dates like his birthday and the anniversary of his death, and find it really peaceful. We always make sure to visit the beach and spend one night watching the sunset. It helps us all feel closer to Lance, as it’s somewhere he loved.”
Lance, Elliey and Riley on a bench
Lance wanted the kids to have seen as much of the UK as possible before they turned 18, so every year the family would go on a road trip to somewhere new – a tradition they’ve kept.
“Every place we visited, Lance would buy a magnet to remember it, and we still do that now. The kids actually like to put the magnets on his grave, almost like they’re telling him where they’ve been.”
Maintaining a military connection is very important to Riley and Elliey, and something that their dad’s friends are keen to help them preserve.
“When Lance joined the military, I think it was the first time he’d really felt like he belonged somewhere. He always used to say to me, if anything happened to him his military friends would always be there for us, and since he died that’s been proven true. They’ve always gone the extra mile to look after us, and it’s great that the kids have support from people who knew their dad and can share so many stories and pictures that they might not have ever heard or seen otherwise. Lance had a full military funeral, and in our bedroom we still have all his medals. His birthday is in November, just a few days before Remembrance, so that time is very, very important for us.”
Riley and Elliey at their dad's grave
Since joining Scotty’s in 2020, Riley and Elliey have benefitted from access to Scotty’s breaks, grants, group events and the option to access one-to-one bereavement support.
“When we’re on a Scotty holiday, Lance is always at the front of our minds,” says Hayley. “We’re always exploring, map in hand, because that’s what we would have done with him. When we’re on a Scotty break, it feels like it’s Lance providing that holiday for the kids. Our Great Yarmouth break was especially important, as that’s when I really feel like we started to settle in as a new family unit, just the three of us.”
She continues:
“The kids shouldn't have had to lose their dad in the way they did, but Scotty’s helps them realise there are other kids who went through the same thing. The gifts and vouchers and holidays all really help them feel like they belong, and the kids like to see them as a gifts from their dad.”
Riley and Elliey enjoying a Scotty's break
