“My son just knew something had happened without me saying a word”
Mum of Scotty members, Aidan and Ben O'Donnell, tells her story.
On 10th September 2008, Toni O’Donnell, and her two children, Aidan (20) and Ben (12), lost their hero, Warrant Officer Class 2 Gary O'Donnell. A loving father and husband, WO2 O’Donnell was on tour in Afghanistan when he was killed. His children were just eight years and nine weeks old at the time.
Gary’s wife, 52 -year-old Toni, shares her story and explains how the loss of her husband has impacted the life of her children and how national bereaved Armed Forces children’s charity, Scotty’s Little Soldiers, has provided them with a vital support network.
Toni and Gary first met in 1995. At the time, Gary was based in Germany and was staying at Kineton Barracks when he met Toni in a pub. “When we met, I gave Gary the wrong number”, said Toni. “Before the end of the night though I’d changed my mind and corrected it.”
Gary was posted back to the UK in 1996 and they started seeing each other properly. They got married in 1998.
Their eldest son, Aidan, was born in 2000, followed eight years later by their youngest son Ben. Ben was only nine weeks old when his dad was killed and has grown up without really knowing who he was.
Gary was a British Army bomb disposal expert, serving with the 11 Explosive Ordnance Disposal Regiment, Royal Logistic Corps when he died. He was killed trying to disarm an IED in Helmand Province which had been booby-trapped.
Toni remembers vividly the day she was told Gary wouldn’t be coming home. She said: “There are bits of that day I remember vividly. I remember seeing a man and a woman walking to my door. Aidan was playing outside at the time. They arrived and showed me their ID badges. I was holding Ben and one of the officers turned to me and said, ‘would you like me to hold the baby’.”
Toni explains she knew instantly why they were there. She said: “When uniformed officers turn up at your door you know why, they wouldn’t have been there if it wasn’t to bring bad news. I kept hold of Ben and it took them a good 10 minutes to tell me.
“I immediately called Aidan inside and phoned my mum. I never actually said the words to my mum on the phone, I just screamed that I needed her to come round.”
At eight years old, Aidan, was old enough to know what was happening. Toni explained: “He knew without me saying a word because of what was going on around us.”
For Aidan and Ben, the death of their dad has impacted them both in different ways. Toni said: “That day changed Aidan, he’s quite a quiet boy and doesn’t really talk about it. And Ben never knew his dad so finds it hard and he’s never had a father figure in his life. He hates not knowing enough to talk about him.”
As the boys have grown up Toni explains that she’s always ready when they are to talk about their dad. She said: “We have things that remind us of Gary around the house and the boys keep a memory box of Gary’s things, but because Ben has no memories it’s difficult for him because we don’t want to make him jealous that Aidan had time with his dad. Aidan struggled to talk right from the very beginning, so we may not talk about him for ages but I’m always ready when they are.”
Described as charismatic and lovable, Gary, was one of the most decorated soldiers in the British Army. He was awarded the George Medal in 2006 for acts of bravery and in 2009 he was posthumously awarded a Bar to his George Medal for "repeated and sustained acts of immense bravery" in Afghanistan.
Toni said: “Being awarded his first George Medal by the Queen was one of Gary’s proudest moments. He had two characters, one which was work Gary and one which was family man Gary. He was a family man through and through. He loved Celtic Football Club as well as playing the guitar and singing.”
The family find the support provided by Scotty’s Little Soldiers to be crucial at this time of year. Aidan and Ben were some of the first children to join Scotty’s when the charity was set up 2010, and for them, having the opportunity to make lifelong friends has made a huge difference.
The children joined Scotty’s Little Soldiers in 2010 and over the years have benefited from its support network. Toni said: “I heard about Scotty’s originally through a friend. The boys absolutely love it, they have both made lifelong friends and I feel supported constantly because I know someone is at the end of the phone all the time.
“The boys have both benefitted from the grants they provide, most recently Aidan received a grant for university which has been an enormous help.”
Toni added: “Scotty’s means the world to us, its our family, love and support that we couldn’t do without. Without them, we’d feel isolated because the people close by don’t know how it feels or how to help, although they try.”
