Remembrance is every day for a bereaved military child
Erin was only three months old when her dad, LCpl Ross Nicholls, was killed in Afghanistan. Growing up with no memories of him has been difficult for Erin, who has had to rely on other people to help her form a picture of the man her dad was.
She joined Scotty’s Little Soldiers in 2011, a year after the charity was created, and has been a Member for over ten years. She is now 16 years old.
“Scotty’s is like a special club no one wants to join, because it means you’ve lost a parent,” says Erin, “but it’s also a club you’re really proud to be a part of.”
Erin Nicholls
Remembering every day
This year, Erin and her mum, Angela, travelled to London to spend Remembrance weekend with other members of Scotty's Little Soldiers. 55 bereaved military children and young people we support attended BBC One's Festival of Remembrance and took part in the National Service of Remembrance where they marched past the Cenotaph and honoured their parent. It was Erin and Angela's second time joining Scotty's for the weekend, which is always a time of mixed emotions for them. Remembrance brings back lots of painful memories, but also fills them with a great deal of pride.
“Remembrance Day is every day for us,” says Angela, “but it’s always good to see that the nation remembers the ultimate sacrifice so many of our Armed Forces have made. It makes me feel a mixture of sadness and pride. Sad because it brings everything back, but proud because people are stopping for those two minutes and – whether they know it or not – thinking about Ross.”
Erin says: “I’m glad we at least have that one day to think about everyone. I like being able to think about my dad, and doing it with Scotty’s is nice because you’re with lots of other people who understand how it feels to lose a parent.”
Erin and her mum at last year's Festival of Remembrance
“So many people still don’t get it.”
Remembrance Day is extremely important to Erin and she loves the opportunity to honour her dad, but she also finds some people’s attitude around Remembrance frustrating.
“I look forward to Remembrance because I like going to the parades and thinking about my dad,” she says, “but it also makes me angry because it seems like a lot of people just don’t care. They do their two minutes of silence then just carry on as normal. Some people don’t even do that.”
Erin believes the reason for this is that lots of people still associate Remembrance with World War I and World War II, and forget that war still affects young people like her every day.
“Whenever I meet new people, I have to tell them about my dad or it can become awkward. I normally just say he was killed in Afghanistan and hope they understand, but so many people still don’t get it. I then have to explain that there’s been lots of wars in lots of countries and lots of people are still dying. It can be upsetting.”
Baby Erin with her dad
Taking action
Erin’s mum, Angela, has experienced a similar issue, and took action to fix it.
“There’s a war memorial at our local church, where Ross was buried. Every year, lots of people go there to lay wreaths at Remembrance, but everything about the memorial was focussed on World War I and World War II. Nothing else. It didn’t seem right. I actually started a campaign to include people who had died in modern conflicts, and it succeeded. Ross’s name is now on that memorial, and every year people are going to see it and it’s going to remind them that people are still dying today.”
Angela and Erin
Remembrance traditions
Every year, Erin and her mum like to commemorate Remembrance Day by remembering Ross in a way that feels special.
Angela says: “In the past, we’ve visited Ross’s regiment and his friends have given the kids a tour of the facility and all around the tanks and different vehicles. It was great, but as time has gone on a lot of his friends have left the military and moved on to different things. Having Scotty’s there means we can still be with people on Remembrance who understand what it’s like to lose a loved one. We always try to go out for meal afterward, as well. It’s a painful day, but having those connections really helps.”
“Last year I joined Scotty's Members Council,” adds Erin, “so I’m looking forward to seeing some of the other members at Remembrance this year. It’s a really sad time, but I’m able to have a little bit of fun still.”
Lance Corporal Ross Nicholls
“We were all feeling the same thing.”
Reuniting with her friends from the Members Council isn’t the only reason Erin wants to attend Remembrance with Scotty’s. It’s also a chance for her to spend some time honouring her dad with other young people who have also experienced the death of a parent who served in the British Armed Forces.
“People from Scotty’s don’t ask you loads of questions because they already know the answers. They just understand why you’re there because it’s the same reason they’re there. Remembrance last year was really special because everyone knew we were all feeling the same thing.”
“Knowing that everyone around you is in the same situation really helps,” adds Angela. “We’re all there because we all care about someone we’ve lost. Plus, you’re made to feel special with Scotty’s - you’re not just one of the crowd. People see your black and yellow Scotty’s scarf and they know who you are and the reason you’re there.”
Erin with lots of Scotty Members
Scotty’s Remembrance support
In addition to attending the National Service of Remembrance and BBC One’s Festival of Remembrance this year, Erin and all Scotty’s members have been sent Remembrance packs which include suggestions on how to remember their loved one, guidance on looking after themselves, a special Remembrance colouring-in sheet, and a voucher to spend on a meal so they can take some time out. The pack also includes information that can be given to their schools to help with challenges that may be faced during the Remembrance period.
Erin at one of Scotty's lodges
Scotty’s impact
Erin has also benefitted from Scotty’s services including access to one-to-one bereavement support, grants, respite breaks and attending our annual Christmas party, where she’s been able to meet other bereaved military children and young people who understand what she’s been through.
“We’ve been part of Scotty’s practically since the beginning, and seeing how the support has evolved is brilliant,” says Angela. “The respite breaks are still there, but in addition to that you now have emotional support, educational support and all these different groups and opportunities for the kids, not to mention the Christmas parties, which are always great. I think it’s really important that the children Scotty’s support are recognised in some way.”
“Scotty’s make you feel special,” says Erin. “I really like going on the holidays, especially to Center Parcs and Devon Cliffs, and the Christmas parties are always fun. My favourite Christmas party was at Alton Towers – they had a chocolate room!”
Erin enjoying a Scotty Break
Supporting bereaved military children
Scotty’s Little Soldiers is a charity dedicated to supporting children and young people (0 to 25 years) who have experienced the death of a parent who served in the British Armed Forces.
Inspired by the experience of Army widow Nikki Scott, following the death of her husband Corporal Lee Scott in Afghanistan in 2009, the charity, which was set up in 2010, provides support and guidance to hundreds of bereaved military children and young people throughout their childhood.
Services offered to Scotty’s members include access to child bereavement support, guidance to parents and carers, personal education and learning assistance (including grants), and fun activities such as holiday respite breaks and group events. These are all designed to remind the children and young people supported by Scotty’s that they are not alone.
If you know a child or young person who has experienced the death of a parent who served in the British Armed Forces, they could be eligible for specialist bereavement support from Scotty's Little Soldiers. Hundreds of bereaved military children aren’t getting the support they need but we are here to help.
Erin unwrapping her Christmas gift from Scotty's
