“Scotty’s Little Soldiers is more than just a group, it’s like a family”
Ten-year-old Scotty member, Austen Hargreaves, explains why Scotty’s is so important and how the charity has helped him, and his brother, create new happy memories after losing their dad
Ten-year-old, Austen Hargreaves, will never again get the opportunity to give his dad a hug, he’ll never get to kiss him goodnight or share good news. Austen and his brother Cooper, who is just six years old, lost their dad, Staff Sergeant Chris Hargreaves, on 19th February 2017, they were just seven and three years old at the time.
Here Austen, and his mum Jilly, talk about their loss and how Scotty’s Little Soldiers has put a smile back on their faces.
Talking about Chris, Jilly explains: “Chris was an incredible dad. He loved his job as an Army photographer. Photography was his passion and he worked hard to achieve the qualifications he did. He loved the boys and would have done anything for them.
But before Chris died, he’d changed. His behaviour changed drastically – the Chris I knew when we got married and the Chris I knew when he died were completely different people. He had no history of mental illness but had most definitely become a different person. We’d separated before he died, but he still saw the boys and spent a lot of time with them.
Telling the boys what had happened to their dad was the most difficult thing I’ve ever done; no mum should have to sit down with her seven and three-year old sons and explain to them that their dad had taken his own life. I’ll admit now that I handled it badly to begin with. I decided initially to keep the details from the boys and used the analogy that dad had gone to be a star in the sky. This didn’t work and the boys became unwell quite quickly, physically suffering with stomach issues, particularly Austen.
My initial reaction to telling them the truth was utter fear and disbelief that this was the right thing to do, but looking back, it was absolutely the right decision to be open with them. The boys knew more than I realised, and it has built such a strong bond between us that remains to this day.
Scotty’s Little Soldiers came into Austen and Cooper’s lives the year after they lost their dad. After meeting Scotty’s founder, Nikki Scott, at an event for bereaved Forces children at Buckingham Palace in 2018, the family quickly formed a special bond with the charity and became part of the Scotty’s community.
Over the years, Austen has grabbed every opportunity he can to get involved with the charity, whether it’s raising money or taking part in the events and activities that the charity organises as part of its SMILES programme.
Talking about what the charity means to him and how they’ve supported him and his brother over the last few years, Austen explains:
Scotty’s Little Soldiers is more than just a group, it’s like a family. Because everyone’s just there and everyone’s so supportive. It’s weird, because if you go up and asked somebody how it felt to lose a parent, they would never know the answer, but if you went up to somebody at Scotty’s, they’d give you the exact answer. It’s nice to know that you’re not alone, when you’re going through something so hard. They’re just awesome.
Over the years, Austen and Cooper have had the opportunity to take part in a number of Scotty’s organised events, as part of the charity’s SMILES programme, including a trip in 2019 to America as part of the TAPS Good Grief camp. Talking about his trip, Austen said:
It was absolutely amazing; everyone was so friendly, and it was great to meet other people who are going through the same thing that you are. It was so well organised; you could tell that a lot of thought had gone into the trip. We received our own jumpers when we arrived which was just wow. I made some great friends on that trip and it’s nice to know that they know exactly what you are going through.
Austen, his mum, and brother have also been on a number of Scotty’s respite breaks to Blackpool and Center Parcs over the years. Talking about the breaks, Austen explained:
The breaks were amazing, they are so relaxing and just take you away from it all. They definitely make you feel better.
Scotty’s has also played an integral part in Austen and Cooper’s lives during the 2020 lockdown. During this period, Scotty’s Little Solders organised a number of virtual events, including a quiz hosted by celebrity Alison Hammond, a virtual party, a virtual choir and much more.
For Austen, being in lockdown brought new challenges, including the fear of losing another parent, while also bringing back memories of his dad. These events, at such a difficult time, helped keep a smile on his face.
He explains: Over the summer, I went to see my grandma, my dad’s mum, and she has loads of photos of my dad which she showed me. It was hard to get used to seeing them because Cooper wasn’t in the photos, it was just me. But actually, I enjoyed looking at the photos, I like to think of my dad, and I know I was lucky to have him and he was lucky to have me.
Knowing Scotty’s was there over the last year has also meant a lot. I feel really looked after, and I know that I’m being cared for. The activities they organised helped me forget everything bad that was going on.
I took part in pretty much every Scotty event; they were so much fun. The quiz with Alison Hammond was really fun. It was nice to see everyone on the screen all just having a great time.
During the Sharky and George virtual party I loved seeing everyone dancing along and doing everything, it was really nice to see all my friends and all the different people taking part.
The Friday Night Takeaway event was also very cool, and I know Scotty’s must have put a lot of effort into it having all of the children there. It must have been so hard to get everyone a takeaway at the same. I really enjoyed it as we all sat having dinner with our Scotty’s teddies in the middle and we loved it.
I also took over the Scotty’s Tik Tok account for the week. I’m obsessed with Tik Tok and loved doing it, and I took part in the virtual Scotty Choir. I love singing and dancing and Jess Glynne is one of my all-time favourites. It reminded me of being at Buckingham Palace when we first met Scotty’s. I really enjoyed the choir because I just sat down and started singing and it was really fun, and the end result was so cool seeing everybody just joining in.
Scotty’s really is just awesome, and I’m so pleased they are in my life.