“I told my children that daddy was now the brightest star in the sky”
Mum of Scotty members, Ethan and Libby Cornish, tells her story.
For Army Widow, Abby Cornish and her two children, Ethan (18) and Libby (15), every day is Remembrance Day. On 1st August 2006, the family lost their hero, Corporal Matthew Cornish. A loving father and husband, Corporal Cornish was on his third tour of Iraq when he was struck by shrapnel from an enemy mortar and died. His children were just three years and 16 months old at the time.
Matthew’s wife, 43 year-old, Abby, shares her story and explains how the loss of her husband has impacted the life of her children and how national bereaved Armed Forces children’s charity, Scotty’s Little Soldiers, has provided them with a vital support network.
Abby and Matthew first met in 1999 when they were just 21 years old. “I was on a night out in Folkstone with a friend, the night I first met Matthew” said Abby. “He was out with a few friends and I overheard him talking, and instantly recognised his Yorkshire accent, so I went over to say hi. We all ended up going to a nightclub, but because Matthew was wearing trainers, they wouldn’t let him in. He stayed outside waiting for us all night.
“We ended the night swapping numbers and he came down from Edinburgh the following weekend to see me. He apparently told his friends quite early on that he was going to marry me”.
Abby and Matthew got married on 18th August 2001, and in 2002 the couple moved to Paderborn, Germany, where Matthew was based while serving with the 1st Battalion The Light Infantry (5 Rifles).
Their first child, Ethan, was born in 2002, followed three years later by their daughter Libby. They were just three years and 16 months old when their dad was killed.
Abby remembers vividly the night the ‘smartly dressed’ officers arrived at her door to explain that her husband wouldn’t be returning home.
She said: “I remember it being about four in the morning and Ethan had come into my room and got into my bed. I noticed figures arriving at the door and didn’t know what to think. Matthew’s aunt was also staying with us at the time and they asked if she could join us.
“At that point they didn’t know that Matthew was dead, they explained that he’d sustained serious head injuries and at the time that was all they knew.”
Abby received another knock at the door two hours later. “At 6am the officers came back” she said, “and as soon as they arrived at the door I screamed; I knew what had happened otherwise they wouldn’t have come back.
“I didn’t know what to tell the children, they were so young. Ethan, although he was only three understood more than I expected him to. I explained to them both that daddy had died, and he was now the brightest star in the sky.”
As they’ve grown up, Ethan and Libby have dealt with the loss of their dad in very different ways. Abby explained: “Ethan started to ask questions about how his dad died as he got older and at points got quite angry about what happened, whereas Libby being so young would get angry because she can’t remember him.”
And for Ethan, losing his dad at such a young age, has been the driving force behind his decision to join the army. At age four, in the aftermath of his dad’s death, Ethan told his mum he wanted to join the army. Ethan, who is now 18 years old, recently said: “I wanted to do the same thing as Dad, so I could be like him. Since then, I’ve never really changed my mind.”
For Libby, having very few memories of her dad has been incredibly difficult. Now 15 years old, she said: “Having no memories of your dad isn’t something that brings happiness to you. Missing out on childhood memories with your father that others take for granted is upsetting. To some children having a mum and a dad is a “normal” thing but one that, sadly many others don’t get to experience.”
With both children being so young when they lost their dad, Abby is keen to keep Matthew’s memory alive and when they were young she made them a memory box which included CDs and DVDs that Matthew created for the children when he was away on tour. Abby said: “Matthew would record himself reading books to the children, which I’d play to them at night when he was away, so they knew his voice.
“We also talk about Matthew all the time; we watch videos and look at his photos and read his letters.”
Forever a joker, Abby has many fond memories of Matthew which she shares with the children. She said: “Matthew was a family man and absolutely adored his children, they had him wrapped around their fingers. He always had a cheeky smile on his face. There was always lots of laughter from the silly things he did. My fondest memory of him is his cheeky grin and all the laughter he brought.”
The family find the support provided by Scotty’s Little Soldiers to be crucial. Libby and Ethan were some of the first children to join Scotty’s when the charity was set up 2010, and for them, having someone there when they’ve needed it has been a great help.
The children joined Scotty’s Little Soldiers in 2010 and over the years have benefited from its support network. Abby said: “Scotty’s has made a massive difference to our lives. They have provided Ethan and Libby with so many opportunities to meet up with other children in the same situation, as well gifts and holidays throughout the year which make them feel remembered."
Over the last year, Libby has also become part of the Scotty’s Little Soldiers members council, where she has the opportunity to shape the future of the charity.
Commenting on Scotty’s, Libby added: “Scotty’s Little Soldiers is an amazing charity that not only helped me to meet others who are in the same position as myself, but also helped me to make lifelong friends who I know I will always be able to speak to. If it hadn’t been for this incredible charity and the equally great founder Nikki, I know that dealing with the absence of my dad would’ve been much more difficult.”
